So, you’ve got a bunch of evil minorities suppressing the Narnians, but of course the Narnians can’t do anything about it because they’re missing the most important thing in the universe: Some white guys. The white guys appear, through magic, and despite what they learned about the importance of having faith in magical lions in the first movie, they completely ignore Aslan.

As a result, Aslan sulks about the forest letting people get killed in stupid battles, because the Narnians left the war planning up to a bunch of goddamn kids. Finally, they get desperate enough to go beg for the lion god to help them, and he gets all smug, and then calls in the ents. The ents (along with a river spirit Aslan summons; you can tell he’s been hanging out with Gandalf) vanquish the evil people, and then Aslan sends all the kids home, telling the older ones that they can’t come visit any more, presumably because they would get sex all over his magic kingdom, but possibly just because they’re too old to do whatever stupid bullshit a magical lion tells them to do without questioning things.

This is possibly the stupidest summer movie I’ve seen since Con Air.