So I’ve talked before about Hollywood’s realist aesthetic – how they’ll make a Spider-Man movie and make it totally realistic and utterly plausible that this dude could be Spider-Man; or how they’ll even try to make a Transformers movie realistic.

GI Joe, though, utterly and completely rejects all realism. This is a movie wherein a good ninja (dressed all in black) can find himself fighting an evil ninja (dressed all in white) and it turns out that they grew up together. And where ice sinks in water. And where you can have an elaborate battle on the streets of Paris and fortunately there are no pedestrians of any sort. And where essentially the entire plot of this movie occurs.

It is beyond ridiculous, and it perfectly captures the feel of the old GI Joe cartoon. If this were animated, it’d feel like just another episode (well, an origin story episode, anyway). Utterly awful, loaded with every possible cliche, but forgivable for the sake of nostalgia.

Also, they say “Knowing is half the battle” twice and “greatest American hero” once. As if there were any question that they would.