So this is part of our cultural literacy program, which we watched on the basis of, could it really be any dumber than an average episode of Voyager?

Answer: OH GOD YES. Seriously, this is just bad. Not like “bad in that trashy way that is actually kinda fun, like David Weber novels or Regency romances,” not “bad in that hilariously bad way appreciated by hipster college students, like Troll 2 or Manos,” but just bad.

The acting is terrible (Bella’s dad is the only decent actor in the whole show), the story is preposterously ridiculous, the characters are laughably drawn (we know Bella is clumsy because she falls down on camera, right?), and the central romance is like the inspiration for a dozen Women’s Studies papers in terms of how awful it is.

Cultural literacy or no, we will not be watching any sequels to this. I am appalled that this made a trillion dollars or whatever, because seriously: IRREDEEMABLE.