So I watched that fucking third Hobbit movie, on the basis of I guess I hate myself. Things I think about it:

  1. It was 30% less soporific than the other two — I only fell asleep once! Although partly that’s because I was watching on tablet/laptop instead of in a theatre, so I also could just alt-tab out of it when I was nodding off. (Right now, as I type this, there is Dramatic Shit happening in the movie in another tab, for instance.)

  2. It has 150% of the ridiculous action movie setpiece bullshit. I hate that so much. It was a weakness in the LOTR movies, and in the Hobbitses, Jackson has basically made it his trademark.

  3. The part where literally two different dudes had to save Lady-Elf because she couldn’t save herself despite being an apparent bad-ass was ultra-obnox.

  4. The biggest flaw of the movie, though, is from the book — Thorin’s Golluming is super, super annoying and I hate it, and it drives the plot to a ridiculous degree, too.

  5. Main thing that was good: The dragon attack at the very beginning, and Wossname killing it. I could have done without the Poor Man’s Wormtongue guy comic reliefing it up there, but otherwise that sequence worked well. The rest of the movie sucked, though.