So we were looking for a dumb, light-hearted action movie to watch while drinking, and this suggested itself. It mostly lived up to the promise, although there’s little actual intentional humour in it.

It’s basically a collection of stereotypes that are twenty years past their use-by date in the service of a “plot” that barely exists; the movie relies entirely on the viewer to be nostalgic for the original, also-shitty Jurassic Park — major scenes take place in pretend-aged sets from that movie, and there are constant callbacks to it, and in general, this is doing to Jurassic Park what The Force Awakens did to Star Wars, except that JP is even less able to stand up to that kind of retreading.

Mostly tolerable in the moment, but even a second of thinking will make you loathe it utterly, so be careful.