So back when I watched Singin’ in the Rain, I was totally expecting to hate it, because I always hate stupid movie musicals, but it was good. So as we’re putting this on, a Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers thing, I was like, “well, maybe I’m wrong and good musicals are actually good?”

haha no, this is terrible

So the “plot” (sic) is that Fred Astaire is supposed to get married to some rando lady, but the buddies in his dance troupe don’t want to lose him, so they sabotage his wedding prep, and he ends up missing the wedding. The lady’s dad is outraged and calls it off, but then is like “okay but if you can make $25K, then it’s back on,” and so he sets off for New York City to make a fortune by gambling.

I’m not even kidding, that’s the plan. But he bumps into Ginger Rogers, and there’s a hilarious interlude in which he almost gets her fired, but then dances a setpiece and saves her job. And then they fall in love slowly but it’s a whole thing because he’s already engaged, but then they have another huge dance number where he’s in blackface(!) and then his fiancée breaks up with him, and then Gingy gets engaged, and then they steal the prospective groom’s pants so he can’t get married, and then the two of our heroes run off and… I guess… live happily ever after? There’s a lot of “comedy” (sic) along the way, and a couple of musical numbers that are mostly terrible, except one of them is that “The Way You Look Tonight” song, which is famous and originated here.

But whatever you think of that song, this movie is so bad. Weird things:

  1. The dancing is all this kind of weird ballroom tap dancing. Like, it’s not just straight tap dancing, but neither is it straight ballroom dancing. It’s like doing a waltz, except they have to play the rhythm line on their shoes for some reason. Maybe this was a big thing before the invention of drums?

  2. They never kiss on camera. The one time they’re going to kiss, a door opens and blocks them, and then when the door closes again, he has a comical (sic) lipstick mark all over his lips. Did they think kissing was too racy in 1936?

  3. Fred Astaire is a giant doof. Usually if you watch an old-timey movie, you can tell who the movie stars are because… they look like movie stars. But Fred Astaire looks like a total dork. I have no idea how he got famous. Not from making good movies, that’s for sure.

  4. The movie’s attitude to marriage is so super-weird. Like, everyone seems to get engaged in ten minutes, and plan a wedding in 12 hours, but of course they also treat engagement and marriage as totally sacrosanct, so it’s just this bizarre mix of the utterly casual and deadly serious. It’s comprehensible because stories like that are what I grew up on, but in real-world terms, it’s nonsense. I genuinely wonder if that’s how old-timey people actually worked, or if movies were always wildly unlike actual courtship practices.

Anyway, can’t really recommend this movie, but I guess if you like tap dancing, maybe it’s a thing?