So basically, to me the question that people will debate with this one is: Is it really fucking stupid bad, or is it offensively bad? Me, I come down on the latter, but I can see the former as defensible.

I’m not the sort of person who walks out of theatres, but if I were watching this on streaming by myself, there are at least five points in the first ten minutes, where I would have been “oh, fuck this” and just stopped it. At least one of those is in the opening crawl. The movie does pick up a bit near the 2/3 mark, but that raises it to the level of “watchable, with eyerolls and headshakes.”

There were two (2) actually good moments in the film, both of them embarrassingly fan-servicey such that I should feel bad about liking them, and one of which is tied into the “ugh, no” parts of the film.

Beyond that, just unwatchable garbage. It’s not even entertaining in a trashy action movie way, it’s just bad. I know you can’t just pretend it doesn’t exist if you’ve watched all the Star Warses up until now, but you’d be happier if you did.