So Tom Cruise hates himself, which is understandable. To quit hating himself, he goes to Japan to train their new, modern army. Only when he gets there, he gets captured by the Brave Samurai Warriors, and brought to their idyllic mountain valley, where he is seduced into loving their feudalistic, primitive ways. He then proceeds to sabotage the ongoing modernization effort, in an attempt to keep the feudal lords atop the pyramid, instead of the new order of merchants and such. He sorta-kinda temporarily succeeds, even though most of the people on his side end up dead.

Verdict: Really dumb story, but pretty visuals, and it wasn’t nearly as boring as all the reviews made it sound. Worth seeing, if you don’t have any really good movies to see.